Thoth

Initiation into the Order of Thoth

Thoth, Egyptian moon god, weighed the hearts of deceased to determine if they would be admitted to the hereafter or, if the examination was failed, torn apart by a monster that was a mixture of a crocodile, a hippopotamus, and a lion. His Order exists to encourage and reward the brave who do their best to take a large number of the world's hardest I.Q. tests, thus providing much data for statistical research and contributing to the study of high mental ability.

The Order has nine grades: Neophytus, Candidatus Minor, Candidatus, Candidatus Maior, Psychometator, Psychometator Magnificus, Psychometator Eximius, Psychometator Rarus, and Perfector. Each grade has a requirement in the form of a number of tests, designed by Paul Cooijmans, the Order's Psychometitor, that have to be taken. In the below list of grades, the requirement for each grade is displayed behind the name of the grade.

Upon having taken a qualifying number of tests one automatically acquires the corresponding grade. Application and registration are not needed and one will not be informed. The current distribution of members over the grades can be derived from the report Number of scores per candidate. One may also wish to see one's number of scores as the "share" one has in the total amount of data. Here are the requirements and privileges of each grade:

Neophytus - 1

You may call yourself Neophytus in the Order of Thoth.

Candidatus Minor - 5

You may call yourself Candidatus Minor in the Order of Thoth. Congratulations; you have left the vast majority of test takers behind you!

Candidatus - 10

You may call yourself Candidatus in the Order of Thoth. You are now on your way to a complete and thorough weighing of your soul. Beware that the outcome of such may be negative as well as positive. Also, you may have your name mentioned here; send a request to the Order's Psychometitor. You must send a clear, explicit request for your name can not be published without your permission.

  1. Mick Dempsey
  2. Alexander Herkner
  3. Christopher Olkowski

Candidatus Maior - 15

You may call yourself Candidatus Maior in the Order of Thoth. Almost no one dares go this far on the path to mind measurement. You may have your name mentioned here, including a hyper reference to a web page of your own with biographical information.

Psychometator - 20

You may call yourself Psychometator in the Order of Thoth, and are therewith one of the self-chosen few who have devoted their lives to enabling the full measurement of the soul. You may have your name mentioned here, and a short biography of no more than thirty words, including a hyper reference to a web page of your own with biographical information.

Psychometator Magnificus - 25

You may call yourself Psychometator Magnificus in the Order of Thoth. You have distinguished yourself even among those who enable the full measurement of the mind. You may have your name mentioned here, and a short biography of no more than thirty words, including a hyper reference to a web page of your own with biographical information. In addition, you may take further tests by the Order's Psychometitor for free, provided and as long as you have your name listed here.

Psychometator Eximius - 30

You may call yourself Psychometator Eximius in the Order of Thoth. It is now time for you to carefully reconsider your deeds and motivations; remember that upon completion of your measurement, the outcome may be negative as well as positive, and that taking tests merely to advance in the Order and without full conviction and effort will be held against you in Thoth's final weighing of your soul. Are you confident your soul will be able to stand up to such scrutiny? You may have your name mentioned here, and a short biography of no more than thirty words, including a hyper reference to a web page of your own with biographical information. You may take further tests by the Order's Psychometitor for free, and as an additional bonus you will on request receive the legendary work "The Upperland Satires" in facsimile edition. The latter two privileges are only granted provided and as long as you have your name listed here.

Psychometator Rarus - 35

You may call yourself Psychometator Rarus in the Order of Thoth. This is your last chance to ascertain whether you are willing to surrender your heart to Thoth, who will ruthlessly expose your every weakness. There is still time to change the road your are on. But soon, it will run out. You may have your name mentioned here, and a short biography of no more than thirty words, including a hyper reference to a web page of your own with biographical information. In addition, you may take further tests by the Order's Psychometitor for free, provided and as long as you have your name listed here.

  1. Franco Sant
  2. Gareth Rees

Perfector - 40

You may call yourself Perfector in the Order of Thoth. Bravo. You have completed Thoth's procedure of weighing the soul, heart and mind. Thoth now knows the score. Suffices it, you will spend eternity filling out test sheets with a silver pencil, your every whim catered by psychological assistants of your choice. Suffices it not, you will soon meet with Thoth's own assistant Amnut[1] for the enjoyment of several less than pleasant moments. You may have your name mentioned here, and a short biography of no more than thirty words, including a hyper reference to a web page of your own with biographical information. You may take further tests by the Order's Psychometitor for free, provided and as long as you have your name listed here. Does it not fascinate you to learn what may happen upon qualifying for this grade? The bloodcurdling adventures of three candidates who reached the grade of Perfector are told in the Psychometitor's novel Field of eternal integrity.

  1. Brendan Harris-designed Paropraxica in June 2009, had intrusive visions which led to the creation of eMiT in December 2009. Has been recovering therefrom ever since ...
  2. Therese Waneck
Thoth

Footnote

[1] Think not, dear reader, one will get away with a monster as genial as the old-fashioned amalgam of crocodile, lion, and hippopotamus. The Amnut of today, assistant to Thoth, is a multiple clone conceived with secretly collected D.N.A. of Deline Cion, Streryl Meep, and Lannie Ennox, modified with carefully selected genetic sequences from Jack the Ripper, Joseph Stalin, Osama Bin Laden, Karl Marx, Heinrich Kramer, Che Guevara, Gob Beldof, Kartin Luther Ming, Melson Nandela, the last four Dalai Lamas, and Mother Teresa. Do you feel your ammunition would suffice for Amnut? Do you?